The not-so-Shawshank Redemption

Genesis 1:3 - God said let there be light, and there was light.

Pity you're not god. Hell, pity even I'm not god. Nevertheless, the light did arrive, albeit not unlike the one at the end of the proverbial tunnel and with a lot of fuss mind. Mindfuck, the word thrown about without a care by many a carefree homo sapien sapien, had never been better equipped to portray the chaotic situation I found myself in, on more than one occasion over the last (more than a )few days.

Now, know how you've used words that had an instant connect with you(because you understand what it's supposed to mean/you are lame enough to randomly pick up cool buzz words so that you sound awesome) but never have an idea about the proper definition of the word? I took the liberty to look up the word Mindfuck and found quite a few definitions. Ambiguities, as always, are unavoidable, but one definition I found was so perfect, precise and simply kosher.


Mindfuck - A process of raping your intelligence; never accompanied by a pre-lubricant; doesn't leave you with an endorphine high and craving a peanutbutter and jelly sandwich or a cigarette. Rarely are dinner and drinks bought for you before or after the act; most often tried on an unsuspecting victim,penetration has less friction; the perpetrator will rarely call you the next day; A passive-agressive way to get their money shot, no happy ending for you.


Digression apart, NOW that my mindfuck is a thing of the past, I shall diligently return to Mindfucking the legions of unsuspecting masses. Don't mind if I do. But I'd be doing your Mind, since it's a MIND-fuck.

The first post-luminiscence act that I shall perform is to devise THE Ultimate Spam-victim's Revenge.

Justice shall be served, mind's shall be fucked, and awesomeness shall persist.

The f9er side of language.

The explorer in passing cerebration often finds that people do things which in no way benefits them or anyone else. The explorer feels pity and on some rather rare occasions, intense vexation at such, who are unfortunately, people. Feeling a deep sense of social service, the explorer explains one of the few things you should never do.

Ultimate peeve here being use of SMS linguo and/or logically absurd statements to make a point or have conversations. For all the people who do that, people, there's a reason it's called SMS linguo. Text messages have limited characters and in such cases, economics call for improvisation and that is where the abbreviations come into the picture.
But I crap you not, it is with utter disbelief that I read sentences like "i m f9", "4m whr?" , "ausum", and the one that absolutely takes the cake, "cum on yahoo/skype/gtalk/whatever chat-application turns you on.".
I shall need complete explanations with practicals if possible as to how any human being can achieve this unique feat. If YOU can do this, be sure respected mister, that the explorer shall be your disciple for as long as it takes to learn to perform a virtual cumshot.

Desist from using "da" in place of the, "f9" in place of fine and the likes. F-9, dear Bozo, is an aircraft carrier and does not even SOUND like fine. It sounds like fanine which rhymes with famine and does not make sense. Also, as a warning or a polite message to all my friends on any social networking sites, if your name is something like "ABC d@ imp@ti3nt 0n3", understand dear ABC, that I shall unfriend you with as little hesitation as possible.(Even if you're a part of my mafia on facebook.)

And finally, dear above 18's who use such language, if you ever wish to be taken seriously in life, improve your language and your ability to spew out intelligible stuff. No one takes a guy who doesn't know how to spell "for, come or the" seriously.

For lessons in english, go back to high school, or learn to use ALL the alphabets of the keyboard. Typing tutor's a good bet. The explorer is so fucking sure that reactions to this post will include comments which will employ the very language he so passionately hates.