Blog Legend for the masses.

The Explorer in various passing conversations and posts makes use of certain terms that the lay populace have difficulty understanding. Today's post is a legend for all of you readers who've often found yourselves confused when encountered with such concocted terms.

• A.Q - Awesomeness Quotient

Read this up.


• H.Q - Heat Quotient

This, my friends refers to the very shallow (yet very important) physical aspect of the human form. More often than not, this shall be used in conjunction with the female of the species as the Explorer is not a poof.


• I.Q - Indifference Quotient (and NOT Intelligence Quotient)

Most of my readers must have grown up knowing that I.Q stands for an Intelligence Quotient. But since you're dealing with the Explorer, things work differently. The Explorer modestly states that he has one of the highest I.Q's in the world (whichever expansion of the term I.Q you may consider). Indifference is what makes the Explorer unique.


• P.D - Pradyumna Pathrabe (and NOT Pen Drive)

This one is obtuse, I agree, but what with most people calling a Universal Serial Bus Flash Memory Portable Device a.k.a Pen Drive, a P.D, which I must say, irritates me beyond comprehension. When things have short names, they aren't supposed to be made any shorter. Apologies for the digression though, point being made is, the Explorer shall never refer to a Universal Serial Bus Flash Memory Portable Device as a P.D. Whenever he shall make use of those two alphabets together, it shall be in reference in particular to one of the many friends the Explorer has.

Any other jargon/mindfuck/mind-boggle/help-me-I-need-a-new-dictionary terms you might face, and when JFGI #FAIL, please feel free to have a chat with the Explorer.
Peace.

Another day, another post.

I am rarely nostalgic or melancholy or in mourning over things which, though they affect me and/or other people, are in the past. All the same, that does not mean that I put things behind me with considerable ease. Forgetting things and getting over things are NOT the same, which many people fail to realise.

I am not picking bones, but a year ago, Mumbai was the focus of a concerted terrorist activity which left the citizens of the entire country thoroughly shaken and tragically affected the lives of many people in one way or the other. Commiserations to each and every person who has been affected in any single way are more than due. Today on the first anniversary (not sure why we say anniversary. But then, I have seen our country's leading daily use the word, which in fact is defined as a yearly observance/celebration.) I see all around me people saying they are yet to get over it, that they can't forget the terror, or the incidents and so on and so forth.

Humbly, I feel that we rush to voice our opinions on the day. First and foremost, this is not an anniversary. Such days rather than being remembered year after year and glamorized though in a manner that echoes the public mood (though I tend to think that the public mood is set by the newspapers and news channels rather than the other way around). Though we need to learn lessons from it and make improvements on a large scale, romanticising the entire fiasco and remembering it year after year hardly helps us achieve our ends. Apart from that, what hurts me most is when I see people (people who I'm sure have not been personally affected in any way by this apart from the horror of watching the city held to ransom by a group of Kalashnikov wielding bastards, in short, people like me) say that they're finding it hard to "get over" the incidents. This when we've all (in honesty) led our lives exactly as they were before, over the last year, when most of us haven't remembered any of this when we were too bored to vote, too cool to wear helmets, too well connected to abstain from drunk driving. You get what I mean.

What happened last year wasn't a blot on the administration in our country, it was a finger held in OUR face by the terrorists. All of us, who last year blamed everyone from the local corporator to the President for the attack, who lauded the National Security Guard for their work yet forgot the fact that they existed, 3 months down the line, who were "pained and scarred for life", yet a week later, a month later, partied at the same Cafe Leopold's without sparing a thought for any of the deceased or the injured.

We've always heard that India is the world's largest Democracy. Well, news people, it is also the world's largest Hypocrisy. And by that , I do not malign my country (which I love in all sincerity), but simply state the obvious about myself(honesty) and my fellow citizens. Let's be brutally honest, and have some conscience, and not say that we're hurt or pained or having difficulty getting over it, when you spent best part of a year not giving a fuck. Because if you do give a fuck, we wouldn't have to remember the day, or have a yearly observance(it isn't an anniversary).

I will not sermonize and ask you all to wake up. Though I really feel you shouldn't be so dramatic either. Trouble getting over it? Seriously? Let's be pragmatic and rational. Rather than crying from the rooftops once every year, make our opinions known day by day, little by little. And next time you're pulled over, think about how you felt when you watched it all on TV, before bribing that policeman. The police are only as corrupt as the people they police.

P.S: Don't fight with me over this. If you want to fight, alright, I agree with you, you're right, I'm wrong. Now fuck off.

Absorb this

You know how sometimes you think that you know a whole lot of stuff, have this feeling of ultimate, all-knowing omniscience? Well, that's exactly when something comes up and makes you realise actually how ignorant you are. The something maybe one among a variety of things. For eg. Complicated things like space-ships, aliens, computers, dinosaurs, The Mayan Calendar(2012 conspirators fuck off) or then even more amazing, logic-defying and absolutely dangerous things like freaking tampons.

Yes, my friend, I am aware you too (like me) have no idea what that word means and trust me looking it up on wiki does not help. But then, when I read it up and saw a few diagrams and recieved a detailed explanation from Edit a.k.a Mr. Aditya Namjoshi (who turns out to be surprisingly knowledgeable about these hellish devices), I couldn't help wonder what OTHER uses these amazing contraptions could be put to.

That is when the Explorer came up with a list of things tampons could be manipulated and used for:

1. As a birth control method. ( simple people, it acts like a freaking plug)

2. Could be cut short to be used as ear plugs. (They come with handy strings, and for people who don't know what they're actually used for, well, ignorance is bliss.)

3. As sponges for superior absorption and retention. (These babies are total suckers.)

4. As miniature death machines (TSS kills and also freaks me out.)

5. And for afters it can also be used to refer to a commune in France.

P.S:
Guys, thank our stars we don't have to shove and stuff things and later worry about dying of infection and more importantly, respect women for everything they go through.
Women, your courage, which is totally admirable, freaks me out.

Friday, the 13th

From time to time, the Explorer has routine conversations with normal yet supernormal human-beings. The conversations fluctuate from the credible to the incredible to the abso-fucking-lute insane. Please remember, this is the Explorer and such experiences are what make him awesome. Following is a conversation between the Explorer and an acquaintance who we shall call Chuck Norris. Don’t ask me why. Let’s just.

Chuck Norris: hi Explorer

The Explorer: hi Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris: What you doin’?

The Explorer: timepass

Chuck Norris: So what did you do all day?

The Explorer: nothing at all (Are you my friggin girlfriend? Why do you need to know what I did all day?)

Chuck Norris:I mean did you play mafia wars?

The Explorer: yeah man, I did (Makes mental note to declare war ASAP)

Chuck Norris: who is john sass?

The Explorer: (aloud) No idea bro (To himself) Why would he think I know some john sass?

Chuck Norris: kkk. How many slides does your presentation have?

The Explorer: 20 (how does it make any difference to you mate?)

Chuck Norris: Are you showing your ppt to your internal guide?

The Explorer: (By now starting to get fucking frustrated) Im showing my dick to my internal guide (yes, actually did say that!)

Chuck Norris: kkk

Chuck Norris: Since when have you been here?

The Explorer: Here? Since 19 fucking 89.

Chuck Norris: On face book.

The Explorer: Since 2200 hrs.

Chuck Norris: kkk. Did you study anything today? ( first you ask me stuff like you’re my girlfriend, now you try to be my mom?)

The Explorer: No mate. Not one bit. I told you right? I’m going to start December.

Chuck Norris: Arey, I’m just encouraging you to study.

The Explorer: How much did you score in the last semester?

Chuck Norris: 3% less than you.

The Explorer: In the one before that?

Chuck Norris: 5% less than you.

The Explorer: Do you still think I’m the one that needs encouragement?

Chuck Norris: kkk. I think you’ve got a keen grasping power.

The Explorer: (I think he’s a member of the Ku Klux Klan)
No mate, I have a brain the size of a Walnut ( This is MODESTY my friends)

Chuck Norris: kkk. What books do you refer?

The Explorer: Easy solutions. Board papers only.

Chuck Norris: Only easy solutions or board papers?
Since when?

The Explorer: Since forever.

Chuck Norris: I never knew.

The Explorer: Obviously. It wasn’t exactly breaking news buddy.

Chuck Norris: kkk. I refer only class notes.

The Explorer: *Worst fears confirmed* (Told you he’s a member of the Ku Klux Klan)
(Aloud) Nice work Champ.

Chuck Norris: I didn’t find the solutions anywhere. Do you know where I can get them?

The Explorer: Duuuuude, there’s some problem in Cuba, shipments getting delayed, I’ll see what I can do and tell you. ( No, the Explorer was well in his senses and chose to say that himself)

Chuck Norris: kkk. Please do that.

The Explorer: (WTF he bought that shit? I mean seriously, he bought that?) Yeah bro, sure thing.

Chuck Norris: Good night bro.

The Explorer: Good night mate. (See you never.)


The Explorer now knows why people dread Friday, the 13th.

God Bless, Amen.

Return to Hangar

Friends(are you one?), romans(no chance mate and if you are, you've got to leave a bleeding comment as proof), countrymen(if you still haven't been classified, fuck off, see you never), the explorer began the most awarding part of his year yesterday. A time which is intellectually rewarding yet amazingly filled with somnolence. This is the time of the year when the explorer doesn't need dope or external aids to be high. Traditionally, we'd like to call this time the preparatory leave, but then, the explorer was once a boy scout and in accordance with the boy scout motto(Be Prepared), he is always prepared.

This is that time, when he finds amazing company in the form of books, movies and indifference. This unholy union helps the explorer complete his transformation into the caveman. Now it is not an easy task to assemble this trinity. For not just any book or movie can help achieve this effect. The explorer has weird taste and insane needs. Safe to say, he has managed over the years(in the non-antisocial part of the years) to make acquaintance with sources for the aforementioned books and movies. The third part though is tricky.

It's something you're either equipped with or not. As simple as that. It isn't something you can develop. Even if you do develop it, won't be as rewarding. Safe to say, the explorer has the highest IQ(Indifference Quotient) in the world. This ensures that the explorer can consider himself set for another 2 months before he makes a re-appearance.

Caveman suit up folks, the stubble is unruly, eyes drowsy and mind acutely aware. Existence does prove to be fruitful sometimes.

PS: Say NO to drugs, indifference gives you a better high.
PPS: Don't be a poof, if God wanted it that way, you would've heard of Adam and Adam in the Garden of Sodom.
PPPS: I just received news which might help to improve my dismal termwork, if it does work out, needless to say, there shall be updates.

Anatomy of a bad day

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times; it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness; it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity; it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness; it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair; we had everything before us, we had nothing before us; we were all going directly to Heaven, we were all going the other way.

Charles Dickens had no idea what he was talking about did he?

Honestly, it wasn't the best of times. Far from it. I do not consider having your most dreaded internal assessment at 9 in the morning when you're absolutely unprepared to be ideal.(That's just me).

About it being the age of wisdom, yeah sure, I exist in this age. Nuff said!

The epoch of belief. I'm not so sure my teacher believed all the stuff I told her those god damn microprocessors could do.

It was the season of light NOT. I haven't seen a day darker than yesterday for a long time.

It was the spring of hope. I was hoping my Dad would let me go to my friend's place where we'd planned the most legendary party for years. All the booze, all the guys and I wasn't allowed to go. So much for hope.

We were going directly to heaven. I'm sure everyone apart from me at the party WAS in heaven.

Yeah, that bad. We have bad days, and then we have worse days. But days like the one I just had don't come often. I started off on my best foot for my viva, gave the viva and came out of it unscathed. But wonder of wonders. It starts raining, in NOVEMBER.

Digression: When people harp on about the weather being awesome, about it being perfect and about enjoying a smoke, a cutting or some shit, spare a thought for us poor souls, who leave from home in the morning on 2 wheels with no idea that it's going to rain. And then when we're on our way back, it pours. It doesn't rain folks, it POURS. Having to negotiate traffic when you can barely keep your eyes open cause of the rain drops (try riding in the rain with contact lenses) and when your ass is frozen isn't what I'd call a perfect evening.

But I did that and when I was on my way home, the only thing that was a beacon of hope was all the booze waiting for me back at Paras'(god sent friend who saves ass during prelims, vivas, exams AND situation where no one's place is available for booze consumption) place.
When I reach home, I'm just waiting for dad to get back home, so I can borrow the car and head out for an awesome night. But then again, there's some fucking cyclone which has to hit Mumbai TODAY. And so, I end up spending another night in the company of my computer and Facebook and Goal.com and Cyanide and Happiness.
I continue in my quest for awesomeness and I'm sure I'll pick up modesty along the way. But until then, I pwn you guys.

PS: Pd was one of the select students who had to give the viva thrice. Yeah THRICE.
In his honour, I played CS yesterday with the nick "SHaHeeD PD". I had one of my best days at CS. Frags, Knifings and Pwnage aplenty. I think I wouldn't mind having bad days like these if it meant I'd be awesome at CS then.

PPS: I didn't mean it when I said that I loved my blog so much more.
But I do love my blog.

PPPS: LOL JK....I actually do love my blog WAY more.
xD