Absorb this

You know how sometimes you think that you know a whole lot of stuff, have this feeling of ultimate, all-knowing omniscience? Well, that's exactly when something comes up and makes you realise actually how ignorant you are. The something maybe one among a variety of things. For eg. Complicated things like space-ships, aliens, computers, dinosaurs, The Mayan Calendar(2012 conspirators fuck off) or then even more amazing, logic-defying and absolutely dangerous things like freaking tampons.

Yes, my friend, I am aware you too (like me) have no idea what that word means and trust me looking it up on wiki does not help. But then, when I read it up and saw a few diagrams and recieved a detailed explanation from Edit a.k.a Mr. Aditya Namjoshi (who turns out to be surprisingly knowledgeable about these hellish devices), I couldn't help wonder what OTHER uses these amazing contraptions could be put to.

That is when the Explorer came up with a list of things tampons could be manipulated and used for:

1. As a birth control method. ( simple people, it acts like a freaking plug)

2. Could be cut short to be used as ear plugs. (They come with handy strings, and for people who don't know what they're actually used for, well, ignorance is bliss.)

3. As sponges for superior absorption and retention. (These babies are total suckers.)

4. As miniature death machines (TSS kills and also freaks me out.)

5. And for afters it can also be used to refer to a commune in France.

P.S:
Guys, thank our stars we don't have to shove and stuff things and later worry about dying of infection and more importantly, respect women for everything they go through.
Women, your courage, which is totally admirable, freaks me out.

Friday, the 13th

From time to time, the Explorer has routine conversations with normal yet supernormal human-beings. The conversations fluctuate from the credible to the incredible to the abso-fucking-lute insane. Please remember, this is the Explorer and such experiences are what make him awesome. Following is a conversation between the Explorer and an acquaintance who we shall call Chuck Norris. Don’t ask me why. Let’s just.

Chuck Norris: hi Explorer

The Explorer: hi Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris: What you doin’?

The Explorer: timepass

Chuck Norris: So what did you do all day?

The Explorer: nothing at all (Are you my friggin girlfriend? Why do you need to know what I did all day?)

Chuck Norris:I mean did you play mafia wars?

The Explorer: yeah man, I did (Makes mental note to declare war ASAP)

Chuck Norris: who is john sass?

The Explorer: (aloud) No idea bro (To himself) Why would he think I know some john sass?

Chuck Norris: kkk. How many slides does your presentation have?

The Explorer: 20 (how does it make any difference to you mate?)

Chuck Norris: Are you showing your ppt to your internal guide?

The Explorer: (By now starting to get fucking frustrated) Im showing my dick to my internal guide (yes, actually did say that!)

Chuck Norris: kkk

Chuck Norris: Since when have you been here?

The Explorer: Here? Since 19 fucking 89.

Chuck Norris: On face book.

The Explorer: Since 2200 hrs.

Chuck Norris: kkk. Did you study anything today? ( first you ask me stuff like you’re my girlfriend, now you try to be my mom?)

The Explorer: No mate. Not one bit. I told you right? I’m going to start December.

Chuck Norris: Arey, I’m just encouraging you to study.

The Explorer: How much did you score in the last semester?

Chuck Norris: 3% less than you.

The Explorer: In the one before that?

Chuck Norris: 5% less than you.

The Explorer: Do you still think I’m the one that needs encouragement?

Chuck Norris: kkk. I think you’ve got a keen grasping power.

The Explorer: (I think he’s a member of the Ku Klux Klan)
No mate, I have a brain the size of a Walnut ( This is MODESTY my friends)

Chuck Norris: kkk. What books do you refer?

The Explorer: Easy solutions. Board papers only.

Chuck Norris: Only easy solutions or board papers?
Since when?

The Explorer: Since forever.

Chuck Norris: I never knew.

The Explorer: Obviously. It wasn’t exactly breaking news buddy.

Chuck Norris: kkk. I refer only class notes.

The Explorer: *Worst fears confirmed* (Told you he’s a member of the Ku Klux Klan)
(Aloud) Nice work Champ.

Chuck Norris: I didn’t find the solutions anywhere. Do you know where I can get them?

The Explorer: Duuuuude, there’s some problem in Cuba, shipments getting delayed, I’ll see what I can do and tell you. ( No, the Explorer was well in his senses and chose to say that himself)

Chuck Norris: kkk. Please do that.

The Explorer: (WTF he bought that shit? I mean seriously, he bought that?) Yeah bro, sure thing.

Chuck Norris: Good night bro.

The Explorer: Good night mate. (See you never.)


The Explorer now knows why people dread Friday, the 13th.

God Bless, Amen.

Return to Hangar

Friends(are you one?), romans(no chance mate and if you are, you've got to leave a bleeding comment as proof), countrymen(if you still haven't been classified, fuck off, see you never), the explorer began the most awarding part of his year yesterday. A time which is intellectually rewarding yet amazingly filled with somnolence. This is the time of the year when the explorer doesn't need dope or external aids to be high. Traditionally, we'd like to call this time the preparatory leave, but then, the explorer was once a boy scout and in accordance with the boy scout motto(Be Prepared), he is always prepared.

This is that time, when he finds amazing company in the form of books, movies and indifference. This unholy union helps the explorer complete his transformation into the caveman. Now it is not an easy task to assemble this trinity. For not just any book or movie can help achieve this effect. The explorer has weird taste and insane needs. Safe to say, he has managed over the years(in the non-antisocial part of the years) to make acquaintance with sources for the aforementioned books and movies. The third part though is tricky.

It's something you're either equipped with or not. As simple as that. It isn't something you can develop. Even if you do develop it, won't be as rewarding. Safe to say, the explorer has the highest IQ(Indifference Quotient) in the world. This ensures that the explorer can consider himself set for another 2 months before he makes a re-appearance.

Caveman suit up folks, the stubble is unruly, eyes drowsy and mind acutely aware. Existence does prove to be fruitful sometimes.

PS: Say NO to drugs, indifference gives you a better high.
PPS: Don't be a poof, if God wanted it that way, you would've heard of Adam and Adam in the Garden of Sodom.
PPPS: I just received news which might help to improve my dismal termwork, if it does work out, needless to say, there shall be updates.

Anatomy of a bad day

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times; it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness; it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity; it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness; it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair; we had everything before us, we had nothing before us; we were all going directly to Heaven, we were all going the other way.

Charles Dickens had no idea what he was talking about did he?

Honestly, it wasn't the best of times. Far from it. I do not consider having your most dreaded internal assessment at 9 in the morning when you're absolutely unprepared to be ideal.(That's just me).

About it being the age of wisdom, yeah sure, I exist in this age. Nuff said!

The epoch of belief. I'm not so sure my teacher believed all the stuff I told her those god damn microprocessors could do.

It was the season of light NOT. I haven't seen a day darker than yesterday for a long time.

It was the spring of hope. I was hoping my Dad would let me go to my friend's place where we'd planned the most legendary party for years. All the booze, all the guys and I wasn't allowed to go. So much for hope.

We were going directly to heaven. I'm sure everyone apart from me at the party WAS in heaven.

Yeah, that bad. We have bad days, and then we have worse days. But days like the one I just had don't come often. I started off on my best foot for my viva, gave the viva and came out of it unscathed. But wonder of wonders. It starts raining, in NOVEMBER.

Digression: When people harp on about the weather being awesome, about it being perfect and about enjoying a smoke, a cutting or some shit, spare a thought for us poor souls, who leave from home in the morning on 2 wheels with no idea that it's going to rain. And then when we're on our way back, it pours. It doesn't rain folks, it POURS. Having to negotiate traffic when you can barely keep your eyes open cause of the rain drops (try riding in the rain with contact lenses) and when your ass is frozen isn't what I'd call a perfect evening.

But I did that and when I was on my way home, the only thing that was a beacon of hope was all the booze waiting for me back at Paras'(god sent friend who saves ass during prelims, vivas, exams AND situation where no one's place is available for booze consumption) place.
When I reach home, I'm just waiting for dad to get back home, so I can borrow the car and head out for an awesome night. But then again, there's some fucking cyclone which has to hit Mumbai TODAY. And so, I end up spending another night in the company of my computer and Facebook and Goal.com and Cyanide and Happiness.
I continue in my quest for awesomeness and I'm sure I'll pick up modesty along the way. But until then, I pwn you guys.

PS: Pd was one of the select students who had to give the viva thrice. Yeah THRICE.
In his honour, I played CS yesterday with the nick "SHaHeeD PD". I had one of my best days at CS. Frags, Knifings and Pwnage aplenty. I think I wouldn't mind having bad days like these if it meant I'd be awesome at CS then.

PPS: I didn't mean it when I said that I loved my blog so much more.
But I do love my blog.

PPPS: LOL JK....I actually do love my blog WAY more.
xD

No sweat

Amongst all the temporary and ethereal things in this human plane, The Explorer stands out as a beacon of hope to the masses. His visionary acumen and his immense insight coupled with his omniscience only serve to make him a hero who's presence was long missed.

The fact that he now has now added a league hattrick to his astonishing list of achievements only adds to his modest image.
Thank you my humble disciples.
:-)
keep following me.

Shit Happens

This is a new feature of my blog.
I shamelessly admit that I have copied Mr.Hari Shenoy's concept lock,stock and barrel.
But what the heck.

Top searches that led people to my blog:
1. Jhatbuddhi (takes the cake. Someone from the California Government)
2. where does pedophobia come from (bethlehem, pennsylvania)
3. amusement aplenty
4. devrat kamath's blog (yes, bizarre. Someone actually looked THAT up on google.)
5. devarat kamat (some dickhead from Singapore)
6. meaning of ghaspus (chicago, illinois)
7. ab imo pectore ad infinitum (montreal, quebec)
8. metempsychosis at blogspot (I, apparently, am a rebirth expert.)

Carpe Diem

Finally, I return. Post one awesome day (in the course of which I managed a fairly decent and reasonably modest score in the GRE) and a few not so awesome ones, I come back to writing my blog. With the exception of the trip to BARC (which was more like a day's remand in Guantanamo Bay thanks to the intervention of Mr. Pradyumna Pathrabe) the days were ok.

Without much ado, I shall embark on what I was supposed to explain via this post.
The expedition to the Marwah House on the 5th of September, 2009. Like most legendary expeditions, this one was undertaken under severe stress and a fair(read enormous) amount of pressure. The conditions were far from perfect; severe under-preparedness (according to the standards of a few supposed experts), a total lack of concern and inability to concentrate on the task at hand to name a few. Another factor contributing to the legendary status of this expedition was the Explorer.

Born an astonishingly modest genius, prolific in his formative years and touted to be the next big thing. Sounds familiar doesn't it? Alas, the kid lost his way somewhere amidst all the claims of his being a prodigy and ended up being just average. Forever destined to be known for his obvious talent, but never quite living up to the expectations. He was reduced to being the perennial underachiever. And to see him falter short of the line every single time, was now a rule rather than an exception. Always pretty good, but never good enough.

But the kid didn't mind. He came up with theories and counter theories to explain his failures. He had reasons for every shortcoming and excuses for every success. He never realised the importance of being single-minded. Always unconcerned, deliberately unprepared, he would always laze through tasks.

When the time came, he saw many undertake the tough expedition. Highly prepared, having worked ridiculously hard, people went one after the other to a very demoralising downfall. A few people though, did manage to make it (but according to the aforementioned theories of the kid, these people were simply aliens) to the goal.

And in these highly unfavorable conditions, including a case of severe cold feet on the day before, the explorer embarked on the expedition. After the due formalities which made sure that the explorer(along with a host of other mere earthlings) was actually capable of going on the expedition without legal, psychological or physiological ramifications, the journey commenced.

As soon as he went to his cubicle (de ja vu arranged for cubicle number 11)and approached the Computer, the sight of orange, compact ear muffs greeted him. Things were already falling in place. A short tutorial, a trip to the loo and two and a half hours of examination later, the explorer emerged, beaming. He had reached the promised land. Years of under-achievement, all leading to this one single moment of Nirvana.

Some people's motto is "Never retreat, never surrender", some may say "Be prepared". The explorer has always believed that either you're capable or you're simply not, you can never work your way to capability. So he always believes in the principle "Just show up, don't bother with anything else."

Statutory warning: Though reading about the explorer and his amazing stories may give you a high and an immense boost in self-confidence, YOU are NOT the explorer. Things NEVER actually work that way for anyone else. The explorer and the circumstances he finds himself in, are all a work of his own superiorly deranged mind and any imitation in part or whole will be simply foolish not to mention absolutely impossible( and NOT possimpible).